it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
