The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
