I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
