two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
