As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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