margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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