put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
