If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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