The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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