It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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