1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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