Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
