i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
