Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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