I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
