I think my vagina is haunted
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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