LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
