Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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