Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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