I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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