Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
