I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
