I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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