i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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