Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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