my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
