she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
