At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
