Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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