I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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