Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
