i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
