Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
