hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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