Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
