i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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