...so i touched it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I will be naked everywhere
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
