barbara walters just said penis...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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