He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
...so i touched it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
