Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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