u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
