There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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