why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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