Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
