How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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