Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
