sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
