Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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