When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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