I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
