I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
