babies were throwing up all over the place
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
