I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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