I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
